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Pressing Pause

It’s been a while since I have written.   I do think part of that comes from fear.  Fear that I have nothing to write about as I am on a journey of rediscovery.  Pressing pause and slowly discovering who I am, what drives me, and what values do I navigate my decisions.   Perhaps this is all part of as I enter my 40s, having clear boundaries and making the best use of my time.  I have an analytical mind, I have decided that by pausing my thoughts and quieting the inner voice more energy begins to emerge.  There have been moments where I feel like God’s gentle hand is suggesting that I put pen to paper, so here it goes.

We all are here on this earth for a specific purpose, and all have a journey to share.  Each journey is unique on its own.    Some evolve, some stay constant, and some regress.    It is not for us to judge but to simply watch from a distance.

The chronological path had phases, and each phase was unique on its own.    As I enter my 40s, there is so much I wish I could go back and share with my younger self.    But we can’t go backward in time we can only move forward.    I feel like in my late 30s early 40s the focus is more about my values and the love that I share with those who are closest to me.  Space and time is so precious and it is figuring out how to use the space and time that is the tricky balance.     My husband is so important to me and amidst the craziness, I need to make  that relationship number one.   The time with our children too is precious making sure they hear and learn the things we want them to so that they are set up for success when they leave us.   Our parents, finding and making time to be with them is important because they aging and time is not pausing for any of us.  And then in all of this, having relationships that are unconditional in nature, being around people that share similar values in their lives.  Values that center around family, love and kindness.

Time is like Gold, it is so precious, and how you use it makes all the difference.  I have not figured everything out, I am learning as I walk on this path.  What I do know, is that I deserve abundance and by quieting the voice inside my head, trusting the path is how it is supp0se to be, and focusing on the ones I love – I know that I am walking in the right direction.

I do wholeheartedly wish time would pause, but maybe it is taking the time to pause and reflect when you are in the moment that makes all the difference.

My Grownup Christmas List

154659_521031277916121_608422383_nThe little girl with the brown curly hair, sparkle in her blue eyes, and a little white nighty runs to see what is under the tree.   Her parents smiles beam ear to ear; its a full size doll house, with little plastic figures, excitement stirs inside.  The same excitement is in her brother  – he too receives his perfect gift.   But the most important that they all share was the love for one another.

The love that resided within the home was lasting, deep, and strong.   The mother that loves her children so much and wants them to have the best was quick to sacrifice her needs for her loves.  A father that works hard to provide for his family to give them more than the pennies his family had, and wants to be the father he never had a chance to have.    Two children unaware of the challenges behind the scenes, all they feel is love every day and have parents that care so deeply for them.   Challenges come there way as they move from place to place, but the bond is never broken.  The gift that grew was inside their home.

As I look back in time, I have such admiration for the love that was built in our home.    We each have a story, the journey unique to each one of us.   My journey has been one coupled with challenges but always fought with victories, as I had Him in my corner.      My heart has been healed in so many ways, there have been hurts, pain, injury, illness, but as we moved through each of these valley’s the silver-lining always emerged –  the love for family.  Love.   A single word that carries so much meaning…So thankful.

Years ago my Christmas list was about material things, but in this 40th year of my life, my grown up Christmas list is so much more:

  • Good health within our family.   Healing of ailments quickly and strength to run through our veins.
  • Good health for our friends, and those that we interact with every day.
  • Protection and well being for all whom we love.
  • Protection of our sponsor kids and their families, may there lives be blessed and all barriers be broken so that they can have abundance in all things.
  • For peace to reign in times of uncertainty.
  • For those that are struggling for Hope to shine through. 
  • For people to replace anger with forgiveness, to have the ability to let go and enjoy every moment.
  • Forgiveness to always be present.
  • For our family to live in the moment and enjoy it to the fullest.
  • For the focus of all to be on how we can come together and care for one another.
  • For love to reign. 

We are so blessed, to have the son of God that came to this earth to bring new life, abundance, joy and to always forgive us in all things.   He leads us, loves us and helps us to navigate through this messy life. He is the reason that we have the good in our lives.  May you be blessed during this Christmas season and may love shine on you and yours. 

Dear Lord God, As I sit here today, thank-you for showing me the positive always.   I thank-you for the abundance you have given me as gifts in love, family and life.   May I always be grounded and focused on the people that matter, and may you guide me in times where I am uncertain of my focus.  I thank-you for a heart of love that I have deep inside.  I pray for all of those people today that are struggling, may you bring them light and peace father.  If there are people that have lost loved ones during this season, help to heal the pain.  You are the healer Lord.  You know best, may we always trust you to make right our paths.   Thank-you so much for loving us the way that you do.  I pray for peace, love and joy to erode the earth.  I pray for this in Jesus Name Amen.

May you blessed,

Vanessa

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The Power of Choice

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Perspective…. It can be everything to us can’t it be?   Past experiences often influence our response and trigger feelings within.     The only thing we have control of in this life is how we choose to respond to the moments.    Sometimes we may not feel like we have control, but that is not the case, there is always a choice.

I have had moments in my life that have taken my breath away, moments that have torn me inside out from the core, and moments that leave me numb.   We all have those moments.

It is in those moments where the something powerful emerges – the POWER TO CHOOSE.      As I look back in my life, the moments I have experienced, that have been allowed to happen in my life, have always turned out for good.

But it doesn’t always end up that way for us all because there are usually two paths.

One path is driven by fear, we are a victim, a slave to the moment.

Another path although bumpy offers the least resistance.  This path can offer learning, good to come out of the bad, and is embraced by moving forward one step at a time.

I am thankful for all of the choices I have been given, and the roads I have traveled.  While there has been difficulty along the way, there was always a light to help me navigate.

This journey of life involves difficulty, happiness, anger, hope, sadness, joy, death, life.   As we go through the valleys and up the hills, we have the power to choose and embrace what is.  As we take one step at a time there will always be a light to shine our way.     I believe this to my innermost core.

Today as I sit in this moment, I thank God so much for teaching me how to get up after I fall, how to let go of the fear and trust, how to move forward and to learn to love and trust myself inside out.    This is all a journey, a process, something that I struggle with – loving myself.  But bit by bit I am realizing how I love others is the same grace I need to show myself.

Thank-you Father for your grace you always show me in my day.   YOU are so powerful, and your love is never ending.

Luv Ness

 

I’m just a girl….

a beautiful life ministry

july 27

Reality is, I want to be something more, something besides me. Everything that I do, including perusing the beautiful garden paths section of pinterest, creates visions and dreams in my mind of what I could be, what I could have, how I could change my reality into that of someone else’s, or simply altar my own into something palatable.

Creative minds work this way.

As a child I used to dream about who my family might be. I am the adopted child in a family of not adopted people. And while I loved them and did not consider them to be anything but my family, still in a small corner of my mind lived a question mark and a dream of who I might really be, what I could have been born into had my parents chosen that. My invisible friends were whole families that looked remarkably like sitcom families…

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Remembering

image1She glances out the window and realizes all of the time that has passed.    The reflection looking back at her, aged, the lines deepened and reveal the roads she has traveled.    Her thoughts of him come rushing in.

Kindness, a heart of gold, his children were the apple of his eye.   The way he loved and lived, always full of abundance and joy.    A tear begins to form in her eye, and trickles down her cheek.  She wonders why?   Seems so unfair how he was taken so quickly.

She glances at the clock, as the hands move tick tock, she realizes that each second is a choice.     Remembering the past and the precious moments shared trigger so many memories.   The reflection also triggers thoughts around how she chooses to live.   She wants to be immersed every second of every moment in the love for family and friends.    She wants to choose to live now, and not get caught up in the stuff that doesn’t matter.   She chooses love and joy.  To live now and to never take for granted a single second.

She bows her head and pauses to pray for the ones left behind.      Lord give them strength, wrap your arms around them, give them strength and help them heal from the inside out.   Guide them in all things and replace the sadness with joy.

She has been left behind a few times, but remembers the good memories and smiles.   Her heart is thankful that she experienced moments with the ones who rose above.    The moments gave her perspective, great joy, and memories that will always warm her heart.

 

 

The Butterfly Princess

a beautiful life ministry

IMG_7562There once was a little girl who dreamed that one day she would become a princess.  She would meet her prince and he would carry her away to a place where there was no pain.    Over the years as the girl began to grow, her heart was hardened by hurts and her dreams slowly drifted away.   But He knew that some day the girl would come out of her cocoon, He promised her abundance, and although she didn’t quite believe, He would be her miracle worker.

The cocoon – protection and insulation from the outside world.  Isolation to ensure that she remained strong.    Each layer is comprised of anger, fear, resentment, hurt and sadness.

The evil one watched the cocoon and preyed on her weakness.  He continued to wear her thoughts, actions and feed the fears in her heart.  She had no strength to break through.

But the He knew that inside…

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Gratitude

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What if you could choose to be thankful every single day of your life? Sounds like a feat doesn’t it?  But YOU can make it your reality.    

This may be hard to believe amidst the chaos in our lives today.    We race, we run, we are burning the candle at both ends.   What I have realized is it all comes down to balance, and a choosing to focus on what’s working. 

Age is a wonderful thing isn’t it?     The wrinkles are not fun, but our perspective changes and shifts.   If only I could go back in time and tell my younger self to care less about what everyone else thinks.     If you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self?

I would tell my younger self:

1)      You matter – and in order to make yourself a priority you need to love yourself fully from the inside out.

2)      You can – you can do anything you set your mind to – yes it all takes work but if you can see it – you can make it happen.

3)      Love makes the world go round – focus on the ones that need love, and the ones that love you back.    As you show love in your actions, it will come back two fold.

4)      Lead by example – don’t engage in negative talk, remove yourself from all drama.  This will remove most of the stress from your life.

5)      Concentrate on the ones that matter – those people that reciprocate in relationships and where it feels easy.  Don’t force relationships.

6)      Always forgive and let go – this will help you to move forward instead of backward.

7)      Don’t be hard on yourself – there are going to be a million people hard on you in your life so don’t you be one of them.  You need to feed yourself LOVE.

8)      Be thankful every day – start and end your day with gratitude.  Find a couple of things in the day that really made you feel good (small and big).

9)      It is impossible to be 100% to everyone – that bar of being 100% is inside your head.   Let go of being your worst critic.

10)   Live – really live!  Concentrate on the good, and what is working in this life.

Today, when I glance around my life, I am filled with gratitude.   I have so much love, and this life is grand.   Yes there are going to be times where we feel depleted, but YOU have the power to choose a positive perspective.     Life is messy – and that is ok.   It is HOW we choose to spend our time, energy and love that makes all the difference.

As you look at your life and your day today, take some time to take stock of the good.

May you be blessed my friend,