A Life Celebrated – 13 years after my near-death experience

In the crisp January air of 2011, our family eagerly set out on a journey to Disney World—an inheritance gift that promised to sprinkle magic over our lives, which had been touched by the sudden departure of two beloved grandparents in 2007. Little did we know, this trip would weave both joyous and harrowing chapters into the fabric of our family.

As the sun dawned on the first day, the air buzzed with anticipation. Sea World was in the plan, and I felt a surge of youthful energy flowing through me. The dolphins soared in the stadium, their acrobatics mirrored the elation within our family. The decision to save my favorite place, Disney World, for last lingered in my mind. Yet, that night at the poolside feeling elated, under the star-studded sky, I couldn’t have fathomed the twist the universe had in store.

Amidst laughter and dancing, the atmosphere brimmed with a rare happiness.  Those moments where bliss remains. Then, in an instant, the night transformed into a nightmare—a dive gone wrong, a shallow dive but a collision with scraping the pool’s bottom. The pain was immediate and searing. As I emerged from the water, time seemed to stretch infinitely, and a strange intuition urged me to brace my neck. It was as if the universe, in that very moment, cradled me in its arms.

Chaos erupted as my family scrambled. My husband’s fear and anger collided, questioning how such a thing could happen. Amidst the disarray, my mother, a beacon of clarity, dialed 9-1-1. Fear gripped me, and I implored her not to call, aware that my actions might shatter the joy we had found. The ambulance ride to the hospital felt like an eternity, the pain in my head felt akin to a bowling ball.  So many thoughts and feelings flooded my mind, many of which involved my two beautiful sons waking up without mommy.

I lifted to the universe my life and a priest was summoned. Amid uncertainty, I clung to the belief that the universe held me. The tingling in my extremities, the prospect of paralysis—it was the stuff of nightmares and thoughts it could never be me. Then, a miraculous return of sensation—a touch from the universe, a glimpse of hope.

Days unfolded in a blur—a diagnosis of a C1 fracture, the rarest and most precarious. The decision not to operate led to the imposition of a halo—a metal 8lb contraption that would be my companion for the next 80 days. Separated from my children, I grappled with the emotional weight of my transformation.

The highly anticipated moment when my children first saw me in the hospital with the halo was charged with a mix of emotions that linger in my memory forever. Their innocent eyes, filled with both curiosity and trepidation, reflected the impact of the unforeseen changes in their mommy. As they entered the hospital room, the stark reality of my transformation confronted them in seeing the iron contraption connected to my skull. I yearned to embrace them, to assure them that despite the metal encasement, I was still their mommy. Their expressions, etched with horror and fear, tore at my heart in so many ways. Unable to physically comfort them with a hug, I summoned every ounce of strength to set aside the pain and bring lightness to the room. In that delicate moment, I stretched the truth, assuring them that I was not in pain—a well-intentioned untruth meant to shield them from the severity of the situation. Attempting to lighten the mood, I knew deeply I would become a source of strength: “Mommy is a transformer—how cool is that?” A faint smile broke through the initial shock on their faces, but the emotional complexity of that encounter etched itself into the canvas of our shared history.  My husband stood and watched, and his eyes showed it all, admiration, love, and still disbelief.   So many emotions, so much to come of the unknown.  But I knew in that moment and the moments to come  – I could control how I chose to respond.  That is all I really had control of.

Separated from my boys for weeks, the ache in my heart existed but I knew I needed to embrace a new normal. The return home brought a mix of emotions—gratitude for being alive, the burden of guilt, and the challenge of adapting to a changed body. Upon returning home, the need for distraction was needed, and in hindsight, counseling might have offered healing at a deeper level, this is something I had learned over time. The emotions swung between sadness, anger, and gratitude. Adapting to the physical changes became a profound learning curve—figuring out how to dress, sleep, and resume routine activities felt like navigating uncharted waters. Two weeks into my return home, I tentatively resumed work from home, immersing myself in a few hours a day, a lifeline that provided a mental escape from the tumult within. The familiar rhythm of work served as a stabilizing force, a semblance of normalcy amid the extraordinary. Mentally, it was a lot to absorb, and work became both a sanctuary and a challenge—an intricate dance with the known and the unknown, as I grappled with the aftermath of a life-altering event.  I was convinced to show my sons I chose to respond to this event by continuing to do the same things their mommy did before the accident.   I see now they were unphased which brings me so much solace…..

The 80 days of the halo marked a journey through physical and emotional terrain. Pin sites loosened, hospital visits became a routine, and the uncertainty of healing lingered. Life’s small pleasures—hugs, skin-to-skin contact—became treasures in the midst of a metal encasement.

As the halo came off, a CT scan delivered unsettling news—an unhealed fracture. Fear threatened to engulf me, but a newfound resilience emerged. Life continued with a “new normal,” where gratitude trumped pain and perspective shifted.

The videos captured moments of triumph and vulnerability—walking with added weight, the removal of the halo, and the bittersweet realization of an unhealed fracture. A CT scan painted a grim picture, but with a leap of faith, I chose to step into a new normal.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4j7lE5d0BI

Removal of the Halo (this video is a bit hard to watch as a look back – but my boys were unphased which leads me to believe I kept stability during this time for them)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o23NLhgjZ0g

Getting the collar on, having so much fear with the new:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_5lk01G8y0

In the grand symphony of life, broken chords can compose melodies of resilience. Today, I celebrate 13 years of second chances of finding gratitude in this messy yet beautiful life. Viktor Frankl’s wisdom echoes—a testament to the power of choosing our response. If you wish to delve deeper into my journey, you can watch my interview on YouTube titled “Viktor Frankl, the Holocaust, and a Broken Neck: Vanessa Chesters Speaks to Daniel Schonbuch.”

In every dark moment, there lies a resilience that weaves a tapestry of gratitude—a testament to the beauty that emerges from life’s unexpected twists.  I would never take away the difficult, as it has brought me to where I am today.   I value every moment, I see light in the darkest places, and believe our true purpose of this life is to unlearn and return to a place where we see beauty within and truly learn to love ourselves for who we are.    Once we do that, we can spread so much to others in this world, we can bring love and light to all those we come across.

The Awakening

Have you ever paused for a moment and really took in the wonder of this life ? This life has so much abundance to offer us.

For most of my life , I had difficulty quieting my mind . I really can’t pin point what the trigger was to cause my overactive mind to “pause”. I think it was a series of challenges and opportunities that really caused me to reflect, realize so much is out of my control. It is often how I chose to respond that makes the difference. Through some of this I began to learn how to pause .

Peace is found when one and can immerse themselves in the present moment and take in all that it has to offer without judgement, expectation, and then truly allow wonder to flood in.

Now being in my 40s I feel like I am seeing the grand elements of this life for the first time . It’s not that I didn’t see these things before , but now it seems like I am more aware of the texture and brightness that stands before me. I am acutely aware of how precious each moment truly is . I’m human yes , and with that when I’m tired , my thoughts wander more and are especially difficult to pause still . But awareness of that is key.

Each moment is so precious whether it is good or bad . Often in the most heavy moments Joy follows or is not that far behind . I needed to be broken to fully heal, I needed to go through heartache to completely know love , I needed chaos to know stillness , I needed pain to really know joy . My gratitude comes from the experiences and all that they have offered me. I am still learning love and how to live love for myself .

Self-love is so foundational yet many never discover it. I am on the journey to discover and immerse myself in love for self and all that it offers. Some of the steps along the way involve forgiveness and letting go – these are the pieces of the puzzle that will allow it to be whole again . This is all part of the awakening within.

My wish for those that are reading this today is to know how valuable you are. You are here for a reason and a season, so really live ! The key is to realize how beautifully and wonderfully made you are so that you can truly live in the moment, awaken, and experience all that this life has to offer .

May you be blessed,

Luv Ness

What’s Your Secret?

A secret – something that sits unseen deep within…

Something that manifest inside us….

Fearful of letting it out….

I will be judged….

Do you have a secret that you need to let go of?

The act of letting go is an instant release.     Our perceived fear holds us back from really experiencing all we are meant to be.  

I have a secret ~ I suffered from Depression as a teenager and was hospitalized as a result.   I had a nervous breakdown, and medication was used to stabilize a girl that felt empty inside.    

Looking back on that girl; I feel heartache for her.     She didn’t see how beautiful she was inside out.   She was chasing a dream.   She was allowing something or someone else to define who she was.   We look at climbing the corporate ladder, our education, or what people say about us, that next big house or sparkly car, or money to define who we are.     Then when one of these things falls apart, we are broken.   But we can be restored…. We need to realize that our secrets, our wealth, or external validation does not define who we are.  We believe the lies that we are not good enough.

Our secrets hold us back from living in the now.   Fear we can all see it and touch it.

The perceived Shame and The Secrets hold us back. Let go of the fear, and the secret that is holding you back.   Write it down on a piece of paper, share it with someone you love, or share it with me.   Let the secret go and if it requires forgiveness choose to forgive.

Living in the past and the perceived future holds us back from really enjoying the present.   Take a step forward and choose to live NOW.

Life is beautiful when we choose to be present in the here and now.

We are here today, gone tomorrow

Over the past year I have seen a man fight for his life who has only had two years to see his child smile, I have seen a little boy the same age as mine fight for his life, and one lose his life.   These moments are tough for all of us, losing someone in our lives can be difficult and seems so unfair. These moments rock me to the core.   I just want to take all of the pain away, but that is not my job. Lean not on your own understanding. That is the voice that keeps coming to mind. My understanding does not see the full picture or plan, and sometimes miracles happen and other times this is all part a plan that we will only understand when we leave this world.  

I had moments where I did not understand the plan until much later and perhaps more is to come.  

When I fractured my neck, laying in a bed with my dad, brother and husband around me with a priest praying that I will be able to walk and to see my children again.   Three years later I am walking, and have a new normal and have a perspective that I am so thankful for.

Or the moment when I laid my head on my grandfather’s chest and heard his last heartbeat.  Letting go was difficult, but when one life passed another was given (the next day I found out I was pregnant with our second son).

Seeing my mother in pain, and wondering what was next.  Prayer, thanksgiving and petition make the difference.

But I will tell you something, these moments although frightening, and fear of the unknown rose up in my soul, I chose to lift up my worries and pray.   God is in control and I am so thankful for God showing me a different perspective in the pain.     All things in this life are for good. Sometimes it is hard to believe or difficult to see when your eyes are blurred by what is right in front of you.

The lovely web of life teaches us as we experience the moments that take our breath away.   We adjust and change the lens we look through, and we begin to ponder more about life and the moments.    

Life is short, and our time is numbered.   The bible clearly lays this out, and it also helps direct us on where we choose to focus our time and energy.  

Many times I hear people say “when I am retired I plan to travel”, or “when things are less busy we will get together”, or “things will get easier once we are past this stage in our lives”.

Looking ahead and saying” I will when….” “When” may never come. We are here today and gone tomorrow.

We need to focus on the now, make the most of our time here.   This means, living for today, surrounding yourself with love, removing the negativity, and making a choice for the good. And yes there are days when the waves seem to be crashing over us; during these times you can choose focus on what is important. Love and spreading it everywhere.

You have a choice. Where do you choose to focus your time?   Heaven can be on earth… Let go of the fear and live for today.

Be blessed my friend,

Ness

Guest Post by our Favorite Gina ~ Thankful to Be Thankful at Thanksgiving! (In the US)

Hello faithful readers, I have been blessed to become friends with a wonderful group of woman through writing.   Gina is one of these individuals, we have some similarities in our journeys so no coincidence that we found each other.   Her blog site is located : http://ginaquarles.com/ 

In the US it is Thanksgiving on Nov 28, in Canada we celebrated it in Oct 14th.  But I do believe this post is timely, we all have so much to be thankful for and during this time of year it is really easy to get wrapped up in the “wants” vs the “needs”.  What are you thankful for?  Take some time to read Gina’s post, and be blessed!

Thankful to Be Thankful at Thanksgiving!

The month of November is one of my favorite months out of the whole year.  Thanksgiving is right around the corner and it is a time when the seasons are changing right before our eyes. We can see this beautifully, as nature unfolds itself for all to adore. It is  a time of reflection for many and a time of feeling pure appreciation for several things in our lives. What are you thankful for?

Just like nature and all of its wonder, it is a time many go though change as well. When we tend to appreciate even more in our lives we feel thankful. When we are thankful, express gratitude, we are happy and smiling and we are feeling the “feel good” chemicals in our body that it naturally produces. We seem to radiate and send out more of the positive energy that can often be contagious.  It is such a good thing!   It is so awesome when you can notice and feel this type of spirit going around.

I have plenty to be thankful for as I reflect on this past year.  I tend to be more thankful for the non tangible side of things this time around and I think I know why.  As many of you know, I was in a life threatening car accident in January 2012. I have come to realize that for myself, when you go though a near death experience as I did, your perception of life itself changes dramatically.

I was incredibly thankful that GOD had spared me.  Even with all of my limitations and many threats of death at first, I did not care. I was so thankful to be alive.  Of course I was in shock and wasn’t thrilled about my halo or my broken leg and many ribs.  That was all so minor in the big scheme of things. I will say, I was extremely scared when I woke up eleven days later.

Knowing I was alive and even NOT knowing what my outcome would be, I was thrilled to be back with my family.  My husband, my children, my life just wasn’t finished yet! But what could I do? Not much that was for sure.  But fortunately, the future dictated differently.

I am thankful for my miraculous outcome.  I was blessed with coming home to recover and have my hubby as my nurse. The joy of being home, in my familiar surroundings and seeing my children again, left me feeling elated. I felt safe after not feeling safe for a very long time. I did not want to be in a rehabilitation center miles away with more staff caring for me. I wanted my family. I missed them terribly after being away for months in the hospital. I was truly blessed.

My recovery, while very long has been an experience that wasn’t as hard as one may think. I know that sounds crazy to some of you.  So many things that could have gone wrong have not. Again, GOD is good to me. The biggest concern now, is walking without a limp and my pressure wounds healing. But, because of YOU my surgery is happening much sooner than I expected.  If you saw my box of medical bills you would understand. For that, I am so very grateful. Not the bills, the surgery:).

I wont sugar coat and say it was all smooth sailing.  There were days I would just breakdown crying.  I wondered why me and what does this all mean for my future?  I felt fear, sadness, loss and I was grieving my old self. I dealt with some people in my family of origin that completely let me down.  The emotional pain of that is slowly getting better. Time does heal all wounds.  But with all of that, a strength held and comforted me  and got me through it. I know much of it was the support of good friends, family members, all of your prayers and I will say, my attitude.

When you face a life altering experience like I did, you have a choice.  You can let it break you or make you.  There were unfortunately those who tried to break me and or your thoughts can try to as well.  Key word, “try”.  You can imagine the worst. Do not allow any of this to happen.  You do have control. You may feel as if you do not, but trust me, you do.  Your thoughts and what you tell yourself is so vital to recovery. I realize it matters to all of us even without an accident or in the face of tragedy. Just for mental sanity, it is important and a wise practice for a much more stress free way of living.

The nice thing  is that the reality you are making becomes easier over time  You are the one creating it.  If I told myself I would let my condition define me, then it would. Then I became vulnerable to what my situation dictated. That lack of support from those in my family of origin coupled with physical pain I was in was a complete set up for some very real depression.  Everything mattered  more, if that makes sense. I was vulnerable and very sensitive.

When I told myself I was in charge and would not allow anyone or my condition to confine me to an identity I did not want for myself or that was true, I was free. ” I ” made myself into who I knew as Gina. We just work that way. It is so freeing.  Words cannot describe this. It is a personal experience.  But, the nice thing is, you do not have to have a near death experience like I did in order to do it!

The thoughts you allow yourself to have and who you surround yourself with matters.  What you read and fill your brain with matters.  What you seek you will find.  So seek happiness and appreciate the priceless things that surround you every day.  Make yourself a priority. Take the time to get quiet and “be still” and focus on your life and where it is going. Are you happy with it? Are you contributing? Are you loving others? Ask yourself and answer these questions. Reflect.  Love yourself and say, “thank you” often.

We get our priorities mixed up at times. Life is crazy busy like that and if we do not pay attention, it  flies right on by and we can miss out on timeless experiences and feelings. We can fall into a rut so to speak.  Take that time I mentioned and make “you” a priority. Examine your life and ask yourself many different questions more often. You have one life friends and some of the things that we let consume us, you will find are just not worth it. Others, do indeed  deserve much more of our time. You are not obligated to anything or anyone, only to those persons and things that fill you up and surround you with the love we all are worthy of.

Time is like money….spend it wisely!

I hope you all have much to be thankful for. I know I do. I choose to not just think about it in November anymore.  I am thankful everyday.  Everyday presents us with many things to be thankful for.  We just need to stop and take notice  to see them more often:).

XOXO,

Gina

http://ginaquarles.com/

dear Vanessa ~ the Season’s in our lives

Life has it’s twists and turns, and sometimes, we feel great loss. Sometimes these moments are unexplainable… Pop by for read about the seasons in our lives.

We are enough

God cares for me, and He has the ability to relieve my worries, my stresses.   I relinquish control onto Him.   Two sentences that seem so simple…..

But why has it not been that simple for me in my life.   On a day to day basis, there are instances where I let my thoughts go down a path that spins out of control.  

All He wants is for me to come to Him in those times.  He wants me to believe that in all things, He is there.

                Casting all your care upon him, for he careth for you. (1 Peter 5:7)

He cares for me, unconditional, never ending love and power.  He is at the center, and just wants me to lean on Him in everything.

My shelter in the rain, my protector, my everything.

Simple….

                Never-ending…..

                                Love…..

                                                He is in control….

Sometimes I feel like there is a battle that is going on inside of me.    I am not worthy,  I don’t fit the mold, I am scared, I worry, I try to control.

I pray,

I ask for help, 

I give thanks….

I am thankful for the experiences, for the pain, and for the perspective He has been given to me.   The scars are visible, but they do not define who I am.

I believe in Him, in Love, and that He reigns.

He holds me, He carries me, He is my strength.

We were meant for so much more than this, we were meant to live a life of abundance in all things. 

To feel light,

To see the light….

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

There is a place for us, beyond all comprehension.

Where you feel love, where you feel whole.

There is no fear, worry, or heartache.

A place where life is light always.  Where the warmth of love feels like the first time you were held as a babe.

Where brokenness is restored again.

In Revelation 21:1-5, God gave John a vision of what will happen when God restores broken things:

“And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’ He who was seated on the throne said, ‘I am making everything new!’ Then he said, ‘Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.’”

Today, we are here on Earth, and God promises He will carry us, and He is in control.   Give your worries to Him and rest.

²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11: 28-30 NIV)

 

My Prayer

Dear Lord God,

I thank-you for watching over me, and showing me how to trust.   I ask You to keep me strong, and to protect my mind and the minds of all that I love from the devils evil whispers.  I ask that all that are going through hardship and pain, that they hear the voice of your Holy Spirit.  I ask that the words are Your truth.   You are the healer of the sick, you give rest to the weary, and Your wisdom is beyond comprehension.  You are our Father that cares for each one of us.  I give my worries to you as you will take care of them.   I ask that You help all those that are searching for You.   I pray for this in Jesus’ Name Amen.

Sincerely,

Your Lamb

 

Forgiveness

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”  And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. (Luke 23:34)

This statement from Jesus just takes my breath away.   In his last moments of human life, he asks our father to forgive.   After the people nailed him to the cross.   Forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.

I am sure in those last moments of life, as God looked down on his son, he shed a tear.   Thinking about this moment as a mother who also has a son, I feel the pain and sadness of these last moments.   Jesus knew that through his death would come life and renewal for us all.  He knew that he would bridge the relationship with our Father in heaven and that we would be forgiven for our sins.

I am thankful for the forgiveness……

We all need forgiveness in this life…..

Forgiveness came so easy to Jesus.  

Why is it so hard for us to forgive and let go?   Why do we hold onto pain?  

If you are experiencing pain in your life today, I ask you first what is the cause of the pain?   Is it anger because of something that happened, something someone did, or a moment that you believe you could never erase from your memory?

Luke 6:29 (NIV) “If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn them the other also.  If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them.”

Jesus forgave us at this moment….  We too can forgive.   Sometimes it is hard to let go of the pain, but by letting go of the pain it will set you free.   Instantly you will feel a release.

I know pain very well, and for much of my life I was in shackles.   It was not until I acknowledged my pain and anger and who I blamed, was I able to step forward in loving myself and who God made me to be.   The biggest part of letting it go is through forgiveness of yourself and others.

It may be difficult to do, but if Jesus could do this in his last moments of life, where blood was dripping from his wounds….  So too can we.

So I ask you today to reflect on your hurts, acknowledge them, and begin the healing.  Let go of the pain through forgiveness.

Take a listen to this beautiful little girl singing amazing grace: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDDlxmsciqY

May you be blessed……

If you would like to read more on forgiveness click on the following entry:  http://abeautifullifeministry.org/2013/03/28/dear-vanessa-forgiveness-in-the-difficult/