The Awakening

Have you ever paused for a moment and really took in the wonder of this life ? This life has so much abundance to offer us.

For most of my life , I had difficulty quieting my mind . I really can’t pin point what the trigger was to cause my overactive mind to “pause”. I think it was a series of challenges and opportunities that really caused me to reflect, realize so much is out of my control. It is often how I chose to respond that makes the difference. Through some of this I began to learn how to pause .

Peace is found when one and can immerse themselves in the present moment and take in all that it has to offer without judgement, expectation, and then truly allow wonder to flood in.

Now being in my 40s I feel like I am seeing the grand elements of this life for the first time . It’s not that I didn’t see these things before , but now it seems like I am more aware of the texture and brightness that stands before me. I am acutely aware of how precious each moment truly is . I’m human yes , and with that when I’m tired , my thoughts wander more and are especially difficult to pause still . But awareness of that is key.

Each moment is so precious whether it is good or bad . Often in the most heavy moments Joy follows or is not that far behind . I needed to be broken to fully heal, I needed to go through heartache to completely know love , I needed chaos to know stillness , I needed pain to really know joy . My gratitude comes from the experiences and all that they have offered me. I am still learning love and how to live love for myself .

Self-love is so foundational yet many never discover it. I am on the journey to discover and immerse myself in love for self and all that it offers. Some of the steps along the way involve forgiveness and letting go – these are the pieces of the puzzle that will allow it to be whole again . This is all part of the awakening within.

My wish for those that are reading this today is to know how valuable you are. You are here for a reason and a season, so really live ! The key is to realize how beautifully and wonderfully made you are so that you can truly live in the moment, awaken, and experience all that this life has to offer .

May you be blessed,

Luv Ness

Gratitude

What if you could choose to be thankful every single day of your life? Sounds like a feat doesn’t it?  But YOU can make it your reality.    

This may be hard to believe amidst the chaos in our lives today.    We race, we run, we are burning the candle at both ends.   What I have realized is it all comes down to balance, and a choosing to focus on what’s working. 

Age is a wonderful thing isn’t it?     The wrinkles are not fun, but our perspective changes and shifts.   If only I could go back in time and tell my younger self to care less about what everyone else thinks.     If you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self?

I would tell my younger self:

1)      You matter – and in order to make yourself a priority you need to love yourself fully from the inside out.

2)      You can – you can do anything you set your mind to – yes it all takes work but if you can see it – you can make it happen.

3)      Love makes the world go round – focus on the ones that need love, and the ones that love you back.    As you show love in your actions, it will come back two fold.

4)      Lead by example – don’t engage in negative talk, remove yourself from all drama.  This will remove most of the stress from your life.

5)      Concentrate on the ones that matter – those people that reciprocate in relationships and where it feels easy.  Don’t force relationships.

6)      Always forgive and let go – this will help you to move forward instead of backward.

7)      Don’t be hard on yourself – there are going to be a million people hard on you in your life so don’t you be one of them.  You need to feed yourself LOVE.

8)      Be thankful every day – start and end your day with gratitude.  Find a couple of things in the day that really made you feel good (small and big).

9)      It is impossible to be 100% to everyone – that bar of being 100% is inside your head.   Let go of being your worst critic.

10)   Live – really live!  Concentrate on the good, and what is working in this life.

Today, when I glance around my life, I am filled with gratitude.   I have so much love, and this life is grand.   Yes there are going to be times where we feel depleted, but YOU have the power to choose a positive perspective.     Life is messy – and that is ok.   It is HOW we choose to spend our time, energy and love that makes all the difference.

As you look at your life and your day today, take some time to take stock of the good.

May you be blessed my friend,

Two are better than One

Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NAS)

Over the years I have been lucky enough for almost half of my life to have my best friend by my side. 

What I have realized is that together we are strong.   

We have been through many trials together, and have grown up together.  There are so many moments I reflect on, that without him by my side I would have been lost.  He is strong when I am weak.

The question I ponder as another year passes, is why do so many give up so quickly on the relationship.  

In this day, it seems that individuals are ready to call it quits when things get tough or their partner is not behaving as they would like them to.  The expectations grow and resentment spills into the relationship.

I am sure the statistics are stifling, divorce has become commonplace. What happened to sticking together through thick and thin? I believe that society gears our girls up to thinking that the princess will marry the prince who will carry her off on a white horse in a beautiful sunset.

The reality is, the princess marries the frog or vice versa (dependent on perception).

Marriage is not a fantasy  – it is a commitment.  

• it takes work from both sides,
• it takes forgiveness,
• turning the cheek,
• biting ones tongue,
• seeing the good before the bad,
• and taking a deep breath and letting go.  

I have learned that men and women speak and think quite differently. I have observed that many spouses don’t see divorce coming when it is at their door, primarily because the communication at some point ceases to exist. The female expects the male to “know” what she is thinking; meanwhile the male does not hear any complaints – so that must mean she is happy. Women think very fluidly, everything in life is interrelated. If someone has an issue with her at the beginning of the day, it seems to feed into all areas of her life. Whereas men seem to compartmentalize things, work is work, home is home, kids are kids. So if for example, there is an argument earlier in the day – that moment has since passed – it is not related to the evening time spent with his wife. I know I am talking in a somewhat stereotypical way, but for the most part this is how women vs. men think. Most men see love through intimacy, whereas most women see love through actions (whether it be physical, or words). A marriage break down occurs usually when one side of the equation does not want to understand the other side any more. He/She no longer understands me, no longer acknowledges my feelings, speaks for me…. Do you see the tone? It is the comparison trap. The comparison trap then lends to a sense of entitlement which in turn leads down a road where, the only option is for the marriage to cease to exist. “I am a different person now, we are on different paths”. I often wonder, if the person left the marriage and we were to fast forward down 5-10 years would it be the same pile?

I am not saying that everyone should stay in a marriage – because for some abuse exists, or staying in the relationship causes more harm than good.  

I am no expert, but here are the things I have learned in my relationship:

• God brings us to the perfect partner that we can learn from and grow with.
• No one is doing more than the other, we each have our strengths and the weaknesses are offset by the other spouses’ strengths.
• We both have personalities that complement one another and make us stronger as a family.
• Leading by example in our marriage will have a positive effect on our children in years to come.
• My husband is my soul mate and my best friend, we will have times where we will not see eye to eye – but there is nothing we cannot get through together.
• Resentment only leads to dysfunction within a marriage, and it will not be present in our home.
• My husband is the greatest daddy I know, and has an amazing capacity for love like no other; I am blessed to have him in my life.
• We need to seek to understand before judging any circumstance.
• Work things out together before letting them fester.
• I have his back and he has mine.
• And last but not least, two are better than one.

Today I celebrate the strength and love that we share on our 16th wedding anniversary.  Thank-you sweetie for always being there for me.

May you be blessed. ❤

I Choose Forgiveness

Forgiveness….

A huge word, but do we truly know How to?

Forgive.

Sometimes there are moments that hold you back.   Moments of extreme pain, hurt, your wounds run deep.   When you think about that moment in time, your breath is taken away and your eyes begin to tear.   Or perhaps you feel the pain so bad that you want to hurt someone or get them back?

I know the pain, I have been there.     But it wasn’t until a few years ago where a change in me occurred. I realized the unforgiven were holding me back.     The pain was so heavy and I felt like a huge weight sat deep within.  

I stepped forward.   One of the biggest moments for me first was forgiving myself.   I forgave myself for being naive, for trusting, and allowing the pain. After that first step forward, I realized that I needed to forgive them too.

A moment in time, a choice that was made changed our lives forever.   It was my choice, and affected so many.   The pain, the guilt radiated.   I had to forgive myself and realize it all happened for HIS good and so much good came out of that moment. Love, strength, one turned to many.

The pain holds us back from being all that we can be.

The pain keeps us locked in shackles.

Only you have the key.

I chose to let it go and give it to Him.   I forgave the physical hurt, I forgave the pain.  

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)

I forgave and let it go.   By letting it go we set ourselves free. One step at a time.

What is holding you back today?   Who hurt you?   Is it time to forgive and let it go?  

Are you blaming yourself? If you are, take a moment and look in the mirror, you are beautiful made, forgive yourself and wrap your arms around you and hug deep.     That is what God wants for you.

Feel the relief of letting go.

Where we have been does not define who we are.   The moments are simple reminders of the past that help us move forward or adjust.  You just need the courage to move forward. We cannot control what happens, but we can control how we choose to respond.

What is your response today? It’s time to let go my friend and move forward?   Take that one step forward.

Take a 2 minutes to watch this video http://blueprintforlife.com/blog/signs-of-forgiveness/

Dear Lord God,

Help teach us to love and let go. There are times where we are rocked to the core, help us to let go and give it to you.   Help us to love in the pain, help us to seek to understand before judging.   Lord there are many times where I feel like I cannot take it anymore, help reveal to us your never-ending peace and understanding.   Help us to seek your word in the times where our breath is taken away. Help us to trust in You father.       Help us to move forward. I pray for this in Jesus Name.

~Ness

Let It Go ~ An essential step in becoming whole again

Have you ever felt like something was holding you back?   Something stuffed inside a dark place, so heavy, that the weight was too much to bear?

I believe we go in waves of this feeling, sometimes we can get past it quite quickly by enacting the act of “Letting Go” and at other times, the hurt is so deep that we hold on.   We hold on and stuff it deep allowing it to seep inside our soul.

When we hold onto the hurt, it stops us for becoming all that we can be and from experiencing inner peace.

For me, there were so many hurts in my life that I stuffed and stored them deep down inside.   My insides were broken, and the weight was so heavy that I couldn’t carry it.   I was shackled with pain.

Sometimes, we do not realize how the hurt is holding us in shackles.  

How did I let go?

• I excavated my past and started searching my soul for the life events that made an imprint.  I then grabbed a pen, and sorted through the feelings and blame.
• I wrote a message to the boy that bullied me for a good portion of my childhood, and told him I forgave him and hoped that he would never experience the same pain.
• I wrote a message to the 4 boys that sexually assaulted me as a teenager, and forgave them.  I forgave them for hurting me so deep inside.  I forgave myself for trusting.   
• I forgave the ones that loved me for not seeing the pain I felt so deep inside.
• I forgave myself for making a choice that changed our lives forever.

Letting go can be difficult, because it often involves forgiveness.  Sometimes that forgiveness is a mountain of hurt.    But forgiveness does not mean reconciliation.    The beauty in forgiveness is it is something we can control.  Reconciliation involves two parties where both admit to wrong doings and learn to let go and move on.  The key to reconciliation is that both sides own their behavior.   We have no control over reconciliation.

Sometimes we just need to let go of the relationship completely because it is not good for us.   God wants a better life for us, and there are times where He steered his people out of bad relationships into something better (when the Israelites left Egypt).

What is holding you back?  Is it time to let go of the past?

Is a there a relationship that is zapping you dry?

Did someone hurt you?

Did something happen in your life where there is a whole lot of blame?

Forgive and let it go my friend…

Let it go in order to feel whole again.

Let Him lead you to a better place………………..

May you be blessed my friend ~Ness

Micah 7:18 New International Version (NIV)

¹⁸ Who is a God like you,
who pardons sin and forgives the transgression
of the remnant of his inheritance?
You do not stay angry forever
but delight to show mercy.

Relationships ~ The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly – Relationships…

We all have them and they are the source of strength, and sometimes can be the source of turmoil.  I have found that there are two types of relationships: 1) Unconditional 2) Conditional.

Relationships that are unconditional, have no expectations and a reciprocated in nature… And then conditional – typically have expectations and judgments’ that often feed conflict.

The ideal relationships are the ones that both sides love, forgive and take the relationship at face value.   A relationship such as this is free-flowing, does not feel forced and comes naturally.

We idealize the types of relationships that are “perfect” by our standards don’t we?   Is this the type of relationship we always hope for?  

But God never said that life would be easy did He?   And in the times where there is strife,  if one is open to it, can bring the most growth in ourselves and sometimes those around us.    

I understand the dynamics associated with relationships that feel less than perfect….   My tendency in the past has been to push away from the relationships that require the most work.

But does God want us to turn away?

You have heard that it has been said, You shall love your neighbor, and hate your enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you, and persecute you; That you may be the children of your Father who is in heaven: for he makes his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love them who love you, what reward have you? do not even the tax collectors the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you more than others? do not even the tax collectors so? Be you therefore perfect, even as your Father who is in heaven is perfect. (Matthew 5:43-48)

It is difficult isn’t it?    When someone “wrongs”  you is your reaction to find someone to confide in?   When you are talking about the issue, does it make the situation feel better  and do you feel more justified in your actions/reactions?

“Don’t judge, so that you won’t be judged. For with whatever judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with whatever measure you measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but don’t consider the beam that is in your own eye? Or how will you tell your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye;’ and behold, the beam is in your own eye? You hypocrite! First remove the beam out of your own eye, and then you can see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:1-5

We can choose to idealize this life, or we can take action now to create change.    Every small change has a ripple effect.

But “how” can we take action?   The “how” is the biggest question.   

• Create realistic boundaries in your life, about what type of behavior you are willing to endure.   There is nothing wrong with realistic boundaries, God does not want us to be doormats.  The bible encourages us to remove ourselves from people who will hurt us.
  • “But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.  What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? ¹³ God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”” (1 Cor 5:11-13)

• Distance yourself from the situation to allow for perspective and space, this will help you refocus and approach the situation in an impartial (emotional free) way.  Our emotions are charged when we feel like someone is hurting us or not meeting our expectations.
  • The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty. (Proverbs 22:3)

• Ask yourself if it is time to have a heart to heart, sometimes people may not even know the impact of their actions on others.   Being open and honest is the best policy; but you must remember your audience when speaking the truth.
  • If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,but do not have love, I gain nothing. (1 Cor 13: 1-3)

• Do all things out of love, when you react in love, goodness always reigns.
  • Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Cor 13: 4-7)

We are only here for a short time, forgiveness goes a long way.

Forgiveness does not mean that you have forgotten, it just means that you don’t carry the burden of the pain or heartache.   Yes, it is important to have boundaries, and sometimes space is needed.

But it important to remember, we only have one life to live and in order to be present we have to let go of the hurt that inhibits us to be all that we can be…  As adults. we have grown beyond a childlike response and can control our reactions, we can choose a response that radiates LOVE.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.  And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Cor 13: 8-13)

Thank-you for popping by, may God bless you on your journey,

~Ness

 

Broken but Beautiful

We all have been through different experiences, good and bad.   Some of us have scars that may be deep…. But although we may have been broken at different parts of our lives, that does not mean we can not be fixed.   

Life, it throws us curve balls, but we do have the opportunity to catch those curve balls and respond in a wonderful way by tossing the ball back.

A wonderful quote that has spoken to me lately is:

“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.” ― Viktor E. Frankl

 This statement is the essence of our life.   Much of this life is beyond our control, it is how we respond to each situation that makes all the difference.  

Viktor Frankl was held captive in a concentration camp, and in his book “Man’s search for meaning” details his view in a time where most of us could not comprehend.  He found a way to get through… Just as each of us can find a way.

I understand the whole concept of being broken….. At many times in my life I have felt broken and beyond repair….. At one point in my life, I felt like I was in a pit of darkness – beyond recovery.

Thankfully, God brought a man into my life that loved me for me and he was so pure and good.   I tried to push him away in the first few years of our relationship, but he stuck it through and 17 years later we are still together.   I thank God every day for His hand in my life this way.

Some of the things I have learnt through the process of healing myself, involve trying to figure out who I am (first and foremost).

Realizing that I am unconditionally loved by God, and that I was made perfect in His eyes.   This was very hard for me to do.  Honestly, I didn’t completely love myself until maybe 3 years ago.   There were pieces of myself that I loved, but other pieces I would look to others for validation.

External validation is instant gratification and is not lasting.   I had to come to realize that although there are things that others may not like about me, that I was made perfectly in God’s eyes.  Some of these characteristics include: my outspoken nature, my personalization of every relationship, and the ability to want to control the things around me.

I started fostering love in myself, and would let the “good in” and the “bad out”.    By this, I mean that I would only let the good comments in, and positive self-talk and start getting rid of the lies that were inhibiting me to fully being myself and loving myself inside out.   

The last aspect of my characteristics I had to let go, was the control.    Realizing that I could not control what was happening in this life, the only thing I had control over was my response.   The response I began to choose was to turn the cheek, to love others fully, to open myself to relationships without fear of getting hurt.   

The wonderful thing that began to happen once I incorporated these characteristics was that I felt physically that the tension in my shoulders began to be relieved…..

 

 “We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself … But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.” 2 Corinthians 1:8b, 9b (NIV)

We have been hurt in our lives in some way…. And perhaps at these times we have pushed our feelings deep down.  We have to let these feelings go…. Whether it is through forgiveness of self or others in order to feel relief.

Forgiveness is sometimes very hard to do, but the more we keep stuffed in, the more we inhibit ourselves from becoming all that God wants for us.  

Through forgiveness we release the broken….. We are broken, but beautifully made.  So I ask you today, are there areas in your life where you bottled up or stuffed emotions?  Do you love yourself?  Take the first step in feeling whole again, by letting go…..

We are beautiful in His eyes.

After I wrote this I googled broken but beautiful and came across this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CNnHmBiH40

Looks like a wonderful inspired artist – and reminds me of God’s love for us.

 

~Vanessa

 

Forgiveness

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”  And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. (Luke 23:34)

This statement from Jesus just takes my breath away.   In his last moments of human life, he asks our father to forgive.   After the people nailed him to the cross.   Forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.

I am sure in those last moments of life, as God looked down on his son, he shed a tear.   Thinking about this moment as a mother who also has a son, I feel the pain and sadness of these last moments.   Jesus knew that through his death would come life and renewal for us all.  He knew that he would bridge the relationship with our Father in heaven and that we would be forgiven for our sins.

I am thankful for the forgiveness……

We all need forgiveness in this life…..

Forgiveness came so easy to Jesus.  

Why is it so hard for us to forgive and let go?   Why do we hold onto pain?  

If you are experiencing pain in your life today, I ask you first what is the cause of the pain?   Is it anger because of something that happened, something someone did, or a moment that you believe you could never erase from your memory?

Luke 6:29 (NIV) “If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn them the other also.  If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them.”

Jesus forgave us at this moment….  We too can forgive.   Sometimes it is hard to let go of the pain, but by letting go of the pain it will set you free.   Instantly you will feel a release.

I know pain very well, and for much of my life I was in shackles.   It was not until I acknowledged my pain and anger and who I blamed, was I able to step forward in loving myself and who God made me to be.   The biggest part of letting it go is through forgiveness of yourself and others.

It may be difficult to do, but if Jesus could do this in his last moments of life, where blood was dripping from his wounds….  So too can we.

So I ask you today to reflect on your hurts, acknowledge them, and begin the healing.  Let go of the pain through forgiveness.

Take a listen to this beautiful little girl singing amazing grace: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDDlxmsciqY

May you be blessed……

If you would like to read more on forgiveness click on the following entry:  http://abeautifullifeministry.org/2013/03/28/dear-vanessa-forgiveness-in-the-difficult/