self love – Awakening the Soul

10 Years ago I experienced a trauma that impacted so many in my life and those that love me. I will say that this trauma has also brought so much grace, and positives although felt like one of the hardest times in my life.

In this life we all go through events that cause us to reflect, decide, and/or determine a new direction or take a new step. I believe this life is much like a metamorphosis. We are all brought to this world without impressions or biases and as life progresses through many of the societal norms we shift and change our perspective. I truly believe that we are here to “unlearn” all of these items and to become whole again, much like a newborn who is seeing everything for the first time without judgement and rather with curiosity. I am on this journey now and have realized all of the traumatic experiences in this life are aiding in the development to become whole again. I am so thankful for the events because they too have made me realize how others may feel as they go through similar events.

While each event is unique to the individual and we can relate to one another, we do not completely know what the individual is experiencing. We do not understand until we complete “walk in their shoes”. However, this is where the human condition is so extraordinary, when we can relate, we can show grace and love for one another. I believe this is truly a primary purpose as to why we are here. Once we can relate, we can be there as a guide or listener. By seeking to understand and showing grace, we all reveal hope. Through the hope, love and grace outshine any difficulty.

Have you ever took a step back and asked yourself why are we all here?

Goodness, grace, and love always reigns when we can come together to share, to compare, to help, to support. It may be something that may seem insignificant to you, but to the person on the opposite side of the table it could be their LIGHT.

I am thankful for the difficulties, as they have helped to make me realize that every breath in this life is a gift. Really taking in each moment and being curious as to what we are learning from the moment are the greatest gifts we are given. This can be in our hardest times as well. I thank and honor this grand universe for the learning opportunities that have helped me soften my heart and open my eyes to the reality of what is.

As I look back to 10 years ago dancing with my sons, and trying to make light of my experience, it brings a few tears. But I give myself grace knowing that my children saw their mother and her resilience in the experience. https://youtu.be/-4j7lE5d0BI

These other two videos were crucial moments as well, and I was in complete fear as what was to come. On the day the halo came off, I found out my hangman’s fracture did not heal, in fact it was worse off than before. https://youtu.be/o23NLhgjZ0g and https://youtu.be/H_5lk01G8y0 . I had so many question of what was to come. What did this mean for me as a mother, daughter, wife that my C1 was still broken, shattered, it didn’t heal? The months that followed I questioned so much, and did not relay my fear to my boys. All throughout the experience I wanted them to see strength, resilience, and that when things happen in our lives we have the power to get through. Today many would not even know I still have a broken neck (C1 stabilized by scar tissue and cartilage) . But I chose faith, and to focus on what I could do vs what I could not do.

There are so many emotions that rush back as I live this again. I am so very thankful for my family through this time, for my husband, mom and dad, my in laws, my brother/sister in law and friends that are like family. The support I was given was what carried me through. The love I had for the ones that surrounded me was my inspiration to know that life does get better. One step at a time…. That is what it takes to move forward and a large cup of grace for ones self.

Today in this COVID world there is a lot going on around all of us, but the items that always stay true is the love that surrounds us from those we call family. This world is full of beauty. There is beauty that exists is in every moment if you chose to find it. I truly believe we are all broken in some way, but the beautiful aspects exist all around us and inside us. The power comes from when we decide to choose that regardless of what is happening, to find the beautiful. It starts by looking in the mirror at yourself.

I did then what I knew to do. Now I know better, I do better. – Maya Angelou

Love Ness

Perspective is everything. All we have is NOW. It is the response we choose to this life that makes all of the difference. I have been very blessed to be given two little beautiful gifts in this life, along with a best friend and husband. We don’t know when it is time to meet our Maker, and I have been thinking lately, if I left tomorrow, what would I want to say to my boys. I am not the perfect parent by any means, but over the course of this life thus far, these are a few of the lessons I would leave.

A letter to my Beautiful Boys

I don’t know how long I will be here, but I want you to both know how much I love you. Being your mother has been the greatest gifts in my life (aside from having a wonderful husband and my best friend your dad).

I often wish I could tell you everything I have in my head, and transfer everything I have seen to protect you from hurt or sadness. But this is one of the greatest things in our lives, is learning and living. We will stumble yes, but it is how we choose to respond to the moments that make all of the difference. Learning to love myself from the inside out was one of my most difficult journeys. Love for self is one of the most important pieces in this life. You have to realize your strengths and your unique giftings in this world – and realize there is only one of you. Do not envy what others have. Be comfortable right where you are. You are perfectly made from the inside out and it is your journey to figure this out. You were beautifully made, from the beginning of time by God. I am far from perfect, and what I have learnt the most in this life, is love yourself and show others the same love you give yourself.

Here are some thoughts that I wanted to bring together so that you can think of these things when you go up and down the hills in this life.

Love yourself, realize you are beautifully made. And yes we will hear things from others – they may not like who we are or what we are made to be. This world is full of differences. Make sure that what you allow to go through your ears is the truth, do not create a fiction based story. The truth always comes from a place of love – not jealousy or envy. You can control what voices you allow in and what ones you push out. Remember this. You have control of your thoughts.
If a friend does something for you, or even sends you a nice note or text, thank them for it. Genuine gratefulness has the ability to create ripple effects. It is like dropping a rock in the water and then all of the ripples go outward. Remember a kind word, or thank-you makes all the difference. Also think of something you can do for someone else – expecting nothing in return. This is the pay it forward concept – whatever good you put out there will come back to you J It may not be the same way – but by doing good – good will always come back to us.
If you see someone in need, or have something you could do without – extend the hand and help. There will be times in your life where you will require help and it is through our actions that these things come full circle (a bit repeating the previous but this is looking to help where you can). It is important to maintain balance with this, because you must care for your own health first. Expect nothing in return. If you live your life this way, great things will circle back.
Get rid of clutter in your head, house, and life. Clutter can be defined by items, clouding thoughts, or people that zap the life out of you. Clean up, it will help you in all that you do.
Remember good friends like you unconditionally. These friends will not hurt you; they will not try to make you to do things you feel uncomfortable with. They will not be spiteful, jealous or envious. Good friends will make you laugh so hard your belly hurts, you feel comfortable and not judged in any way. A special friend is someone that really “gets you”. They understand the person you are. Remember this. Surround yourself with people that like you just the way you are.
Exercise, stretch, and keep your body healthy. Take care of your body and don’t overwork it too. Make sure you rest when you need it. This is the only body you have.
Eat foods that are good for your body and are not overly processed. What you put into your body is what you will get out. Rinse, floss, and brush your teeth gently and regularly. Take care of the body you have been given J
Enjoy life, don’t take for granted any of the moments. We are only here for a short time, so focus on the beauty not the darkness.
Every day, pause, reflect and look back on the good things. Be thankful for the little things. Also, look at your life and focus on what is working. If gratitude is the focus of your heart you will always be happy.
It is ok to say NO. Boundaries are healthy. Sometimes when we say No we feel guilty, but if the No is coming from a place where you are taking care of your own health and welfare, it is perfectly healthy. Let go of the guilt and realize you are taking care of yourself.
What you see in others sometimes is what you may see in yourself. Make sure you evaluate and look inside and get rid of the bad. Remove any envy, anger and resentment if it exists – as these items will bring us down in all we do. Fill your heart with love, kindness, and beauty.
Do not let jobs, possessions or wealth be your focus in this life. These things will only bring temporary satisfaction. It is love, and love for life that will bring long term happiness.
Priorities, establish them in your life so you can make healthy decisions. In my life, my priorities are taking care of my own health (this means spending alone time, exercise, and taking time to pray and be with God), then dad and I ensuring our relationship is strong, then spending time with you and dad, and then family and then friends. If my own bucket is nurtured, everything else will fall into place.
Forgive and let go. Do not let anger, or resentment feed your life. It is important to forgive others and let God hand the rest. He wants you to rest, so He is there to help. You can forgive, but that does not mean allow people to walk all over you. There is a difference.
Find someone to love that loves you for who you are. Choose someone that makes you feel full. Someone that when you see them you get excited. Someone that treats you with respect, love and kindness. Find someone that would be your friend for life that you can learn and love with.
Pray, if you are struggling through the day or need to let go of something. Ask God to help you navigate through this life. He has been so gracious to me. He is a miracle worker. All He asks is that we trust Him completely. Lean not on your own understanding, reach for prayer and ask Him to intervene.
Lastly, always be truthful, honest, kind to others. Be yourself, you both have an amazing gift for love for people. This is an awesome gift. Life to love life and people. Embrace the good.

I am so thankful for the gift of you two bundles in my life. I cannot imagine life without you. God has blessed me with abundance. In the moments where my breath was taken away, I focused on love, prayer and gratitude and it carried me through. Thank-you two boys for teaching me to be patient, thank-you for loving me the way you do. Thank-you for cuddles, for grandma kisses, butterfly kisses, eskimo kisses, mommy kisses and Marcus and Drew kisses. You have been and always will be the best thing that has happened to both your dad and I. We love you, we are so very proud of you, and we believe in you. And know, if something ever happens to us, we will be with you.

Love You so much you fly high in the sky, and love you more than you say.

Mama