This Abundantly Breathtakingly Beautiful Messy Life

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There is no doubt that this life is both beautiful and messy all at the same time.    We were not promised a life free from pain, we are promised abundance.   Now more than ever we must take care of our minds, body, and soul.   These past couple of years have brought much uncertainty for the world, social media continues to be a constant feed of the pain this world is experiencing.  But there is so much more, this world is beautiful, there is kindness and love that transcends if we just pay attention to the magic all around us.

As I enter the phase of midlife, and look back on my experiences, I have seen much heart ache and pain but also breathtaking beauty.  I have realized that we all have opportunity, but that opportunity may sometimes come with loss or pain.     As I sit back, I ponder if the purpose of us being here is to unlearn everything that has transpired since childhood to bring us to a place that is free of judgement?  We are brought into this life free of judgement but as time ticks by, we develop opinions and biases. 

What if we could be in a state free of condition and judgement?  Peace.  But how easy is it to achieve? 

I truly believe that we need to unlearn some of these conditions and biases to fully let go of judgement to understand how to demonstrate unconditional love for self and others.   Love for self is a challenging feat is it not?

One of the most basic concepts is self-love and at each stage of life may look different.   How can we fully love others if we do not understand how to love ourselves first?    How can we be authentic to ourselves with being able to demonstrate all that has been gifted to us?     

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)   Our own understanding is built by what we have been exposed to by our senses, there is so much unseen that is continually working for our good.   The mind is magnificent yet debilitating all at the same time.   We are asked to come and rest, but the action of rest requires perseverance. Perseverance of spirt, mind, body, and soul to really be grounded in what is – not what has transpired or is yet to come.

When we experience trials, consider it joy.    Joy and trials all melded together into one. For it is in the imperfect that we truly see how magical this life truly is.  We discover the light that can shine from the greatest difficulty.    His works are perfect, and all his ways are just. (Deuteronomy 32:4)  

We all have our share of experiences that take our breath away, no experience can be compared to another, they are equal in significance.   I too have experienced trials that have rocked my core, taken my breath away, but also offered opportunity to learn and grow:   

• I was bullied in all my school years that impacted how I viewed myself in the mirror – felt unloved and unworthy.   The girl looking back at me wondered if she was truly beautiful.   Years later as I look on that little girl, I would tell her what I know now.  Love comes from within.
• I was physically assaulted by a group of men who took away my sense of self and dignity.  I felt lost and wondered if I would ever find my way back home again.  But there is always hope if we choose to find it.   A light at the end of a tunnel shining the way, one step in front of the other to pull through and find myself again.
• I broke my neck and nearly lost my life at a time that was supposed to be so magical for my family and sons.   A second chance at life emerged with a new perspective.
• I have suffered from depression throughout my life – many would only see a smile of strength and positivity; this is the unseen. Many don’t know what’s behind the smile.
• I have had losses and have had heartache that many in this world.  The loss of my father-in-law suddenly or close family members.  One moment here, the next gone. Moments to make one realize how precious this life can be.

But the question is, do these moments define who I am, or do they contribute to good in my life? Are all things made for good?

As I look back, I see the silver lining that has shone through in all these events.  There was a rainbow that always followed the rain.   Like the moment when I met my soulmate, or the moments my children were born, or the moments where I discovered who was always walking beside me, carrying me, lifting me up if I was falling down.  The moments where we discover love in the pain, love for self, love for others and truly what this life is about.    Sometimes you don’t see the light until you are part or all the way through.  We all have defining moments that shake us to the core and these moments cannot be compared to one another as they are unique to each one of us and have significance in impact.  These moments can offer reflection of change or compliancy and staying on a course that is safe.  Change comes with vulnerability, acceptance, and an action in some cases of letting go and sometimes taking a leap of faith to moving forward.

I have always admired the butterfly – the metamorphosis that takes shape through struggle. To only emerge as something so very magnificent and beautiful.   This can be compared to our flight in this life. Life is but a journey, a journey to self-discovery, self-love, self-compassion, and acceptance of what is – to then to emerge to truly understand how bountiful and full of joy this life was intended to be.    I have recognized that life brings beauty in the most painful experiences.  

I take comfort in knowing that we have something Greater than ourselves allowing us to experience joys and trials to realize the gifts of this life.   Ultimately, I know that this Grand Universe wants me to see myself through the eyes of unconditional love and love myself and live my days with abundance while utilizing the gifts that I have been given.    We are so powerful, and our minds can lift us up or tear us down.    This life is a journey to love oneself and fully accept who we are – our authentic selves.   We each have our own unique gift or blueprint; the key is discovering that it within and sharing it with others.  This is where the true power resides in this beautifully messy life.

I am still working on achieving love for myself every day by actions of grace.  I begin the day with gratitude to ground what is, and then offering myself a cup of grace when I may slip or fall.   Each one of us can only control how we choose to respond; the rest is out of our control and up to God.   Our power lies in our response to what is happening in our lives.

My Grown Up Christmas List

What is your Grown Up Christmas List?

My grown up Christmas List has shifted as I age.    Being in my 40s offers a different perspective, I have seen many firsts and lasts… Moments that had good and bad that taken my breath away.    What I have learned is that life is its not good or bad – it is being comfortable in both opposites at the same time.   

Often the moments that take your away your breath also offer the breath of life.   

September this year was one of those months that while my heart was broken, it was restored at the same time.    We lost someone very close to us.  That someone knew how to make me laugh, how to get me going and losing him broke me into pieces at the same time made me stronger.    That someone was my father in law.  Nothing prepares you when you lose someone so very close to you.    The moments before he left his physical form offered so much love.   I remember sitting beside him and massaging his feet, and telling him how much I love him and will miss him.   He asked me to come close to him so he could tell me something in my ear, and in that moment my heart was breaking because I knew the moments to follow would be me letting go of him.  He whispered to me the words of love and thankfulness.  Those words brought tears to my eyes, and at the same time I just wanted to hold on and not let go.   We never really know when the end may come.  That is why when we are here, we have to embrace all that is in the NOW. 

My grown up Christmas is really a wish for all of you reading this today to really embrace the NOW.   

• Live in the moment and get comfortable with pain and joy.  Joy lifts us up in  the moments where we feel pain.  In the moment where I said good bye, I had the memories of joy that came from time with the ones I love.
• Offer a hand to help or a smile when you feel like you can’t.   Remember that all that you give out comes right back to you.  How ever hard it may be to muster up the strength to do this , it will help to lift you up as well.
• Recognize all we have is right now, try to immerse yourself in what is happening right now and remember that the past is over, and the future we have no control over.
• Take time in your day to do something small or large for someone you don’t know.   In life these little things can mean big things to others, and the more we can show love to one another, contributes to growing love around us in this world where we are exposed to pain every day.  It brings HOPE.
• We are human, it is often very hard to remove judgement, but remember, we never know what others are experiencing in their lives…. And for that reason try to give grace whenever you can.

Love is really what makes this world go around, don’t take for granted a single moment in showing love to one another.   We never know when the last time may come.

My grown up Christmas list is very simple, take every moment to love.  May you have many blessings over your Christmas.

Luv Ness

 

 

 

The Power of Choice

As a young girl I didn’t realize that my thoughts created my reality.   Years later, as I look back in time, I was often a victim.   Yes, there were circumstances that contributed to this way of thinking, but I was in the dysfunctional emotional triangle.

It is so easy to fall into the triangle of dysfunction.   There are three roles:

• The Victim: thoughts of poor me, why do they treat me this way, life is always hard, actions that demonstrate feeling unworthy, and the world is against you.
• The Savior: thoughts of I can save them, they need my help, I need to rescue the situation, actions that demonstrate a sense of urgency at every corner, helping put out fires and acting like superwoman/man in every situation.
• The Persecutor: thoughts of why did they do that, they caused the problem, it was all their fault, at every corner this person plays the blame game.

Do you see a theme here?   Emotionally driven reactions.     When we are in this triangle we cannot see the situation for what it is.     I was in this triangle for most of my life.   How exhausting hey?   But when you are use to a state of drama in your life, that’s what gravitates towards you on a continual basis.

This leads me to the power of choice.   We all have the power to choose a reaction, and a state that is different.  I have heard people say that I have always been this way, that’s just me, can’t change.   I will respectfully disagree, because we all have the power to choose a different response.   The power of choice is an amazing thing.

There was a moment in my life where everything shifted, and I realized that I had the power to move forward or the power to become a victim of my circumstances.  This occurred when I almost lost my life.    My injury was one that 10% of those people that have the injury survive and live a life where they are able to function normally.   Odds totally against me right?  WRONG.

My choice was to believe in something beyond all of our understanding, to trust in Him completely and move forward in His grace.    Looking back it was a scary time, so much unknown.   I am not free from physical pain, but I choose to believe in the best outcome.  My fracture in my neck never healed or fused completely, but I choose a life that is full.

Every moment of every day I choose to see the good.   There are times where the old habits catch me a bit, and I fall back in for a few moments, but I pull myself back out.    The power of choice is an amazing thing.

YOU my friend have the power to choose the good before the bad, to move forward in your life and create your own silver lining in every circumstance.    What you put out there in life comes full circle.  Do you choose to project the good?   Because I am telling you once you remove the drama, and the emotional dysfunction, life becomes sooooo good.

 

May you be blessed my friend, and know you have the power inside of you in every moment.

~Ness

What do your eyes see?

Yesterday for the first time I realized that the lens I look through is so different now.  Years ago, I let my mind wander into the “what ifs” , I spun my wheels, I made a million lists and didn’t rest until all were complete.

Today,   I am thankful for seeing the wind flowing through the trees and notice the sparkle in the leaves.   I see the birds dance across the lawn.   I notice every movement and realize all of the beauty.

Gratitude is the center.

Love flows through every inch of me.

Every day I wake up and start the morning routine, and as I drive to work, I thank  Him for second chances.   My eyes begin to tear, and I am so full with the love I have at my center.  

The laughter in a child, the beauty in everything.

How can we make gratitude at center?

Do we need to slow down to smell the roses? 

Run, lists, endless items on the “to do lists”.

Is this a choice?    Do you have the power to choose something different??

Our thoughts and choices we can control.   Where do you choose to focus your lens today?

Remember, the power is in you.

 

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11

 

Love Makes the World Go Around

Tonight as I sit and gaze at the moon light, I realize although I do not know it all, I do know one thing– Love makes the world go around.

Love so powerful, so magical, and at the same time brings such peace to this life.

In “Man’s search for Meaning” by Victor Frankel, he says “Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality. No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him. By his love he is enabled to see the essential traits and features in the beloved person; and even more, he sees that which is potential in him, which is not yet actualized but yet ought to be actualized. Furthermore, by his love, the loving person enables the beloved person to actualize these potentialities. By making him aware of what he can be and of what he should become, he makes these potentialities come true.” 

Love for others…is so powerful.

In order to love fully I believe we must love ourselves first.   It is through loving ourselves we are able to see beauty in others.    It took me most of my life to love myself.   Maybe some would be surprised that I just started really loving myself these past few years.      It feels good to be finally comfortable in my own skin.  For some they never experience this.

Too often we lose ourselves in life, or material things.    The external validation to feel good…    These things are temporary, and do not last.  Real Love lasts forever.

Yes there are bad things that happen in our lives, but if we choose to focus on the love we share, it will pull us through.   The love that we can extend to each other when someone is in need can make such a difference. 

Selfless acts of kindness.  These acts have ripple effects. Every action has a reaction.   The more we show one another love, the better life can be.

I sound a bit idealistic don’t I?  

But I want to tell you today, that this is real.

Sending a note to a friend saying “I care”, asking someone “How are you doing” and really listening, giving of ourselves for someone else, saying “sorry” when it may not  be your fault, turning the cheek and not engaging in conflict, leading by example, and showing love – ALL MAKES THE DIFFERENCE.

It is when we do these things we truly see the heart of one another.

Someone once told me that I would have to learn how to not personalize relationships in order to climb through this life.  

But I thought really?  Is this what we have become to climb?  But who are we then stepping on?

Having superficial conversations, not really caring how the other feels?  That is the way to climb life?

I struggled a bit with this, but I realized that acting this way would be against my grain.   I truly love others, I want to get to know them, understand what drives them and see them for who they are, right where they are.  

Have I been burnt? Hell ya! 

But the question is, how many times have I had kindness come back to me? A million times over!!

 What you send out there comes right back.

I choose no walls.

I choose to hug, laugh, and smile.

I choose to love life and people with my heart.

I choose to see others and myself through God’s eyes.

 

So today I challenge you, where can you show love to others?    Start now, and do it every day because it sure makes life pretty darn special.

 

 

Stepping Out In Faith & Embracing The Moment

Every moment holds something in its hand.    Whether it be a learning, an experience, or just a moment to be still and breathe.

It is easy to get caught up in the moment, to let fear, anger, and resentment take over.   But we all have the ability to control how we choose to respond.   We can choose to let go, to not give in to the hurt, pain and unhappiness.

Perspective is everything.    When you look in the mirror of your life what do you see?  When I start my day I pause, and ask for strength and perspective.

Dear Lord God,

Be my eyes to see what you want me to see,

Be my ears to hear your whisper of guidance and direction,

Be my mouth to speak words of forgiveness and love,

Use me, guide me, help me.

It’s you who I choose to see in the moment.

It’s your grace that guides me.

It’s your love that helps me see.

I lift it up to You.

I choose to let go.

You are my direction,

You are in control.

It’s through you that I become whole again.

 

When I look in the mirror, I see a woman who has come through this life stronger than before.   I see the times where I was carried, I see the times where the brokenness was set free.   By His grace, I picked myself back up.  He held out His hand, and asked me “Step out in Faith my child, and trust ME”.    Thankful for Him waiting patiently, guiding, and giving me more than I could ever expect in this life.   

In the mirror I see a life that is full, a life that has abundance,  and a ton of love.

Are you feeling overwhelmed? Take one step forward.

All of us, at some moment in our lives have been in a place where our breath has been taken away.    In those moments, we hope that things would change or we could go back to a place where we didn’t feel the hurt.  

This is a broken world, but we can be restored through love, hope and joy… through Him.

We are not meant to understand the “why’s”, but I do believe we are meant to experience these moments in our lives.   They build us, they help us realize the love we have deep inside for a friend, a family member, and these moments give us hope for the better.   

Many years ago I read a book by Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning.  The book provides a snapshot of the experiences of this amazing holocaust survivor.  

He says, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

We cannot control what happens in this life, all we can control is how we respond.  I am reminded of this daily.

                The child that has to endure another chemo treatment.

                I can support the family through prayer, and provide a meal to help ease the pain.

                The mother who doesn’t know how long she is here.

                Be an ear, listen, give my heart and pray.

                The friend that just lost their job.

                Support, love, and give where I can.  Pray.

                Children a world away that have to live without clean water.

                Ask myself, can I spare $40 a month?  Can I sponsor this child? Pray for sunshine for this child.

                The mother, father, father in law, mother in law that are ageing, changing, that we love so much.

                Pick up the phone, extend yourself, help where you can, live, love fully and pray.

                Balancing family and life demands, looking for help.

                Pray for prioritization, refocus, pause, breathe.  PRAY.

He is there listening to us.    Waiting, wanting us to breathe and pray.