There is no doubt that this life is both beautiful and messy all at the same time. We were not promised a life free from pain, we are promised abundance. Now more than ever we must take care of our minds, body, and soul. These past couple of years have brought much uncertainty for the world, social media continues to be a constant feed of the pain this world is experiencing. But there is so much more, this world is beautiful, there is kindness and love that transcends if we just pay attention to the magic all around us.
As I enter the phase of midlife, and look back on my experiences, I have seen much heart ache and pain but also breathtaking beauty. I have realized that we all have opportunity, but that opportunity may sometimes come with loss or pain. As I sit back, I ponder if the purpose of us being here is to unlearn everything that has transpired since childhood to bring us to a place that is free of judgement? We are brought into this life free of judgement but as time ticks by, we develop opinions and biases.
What if we could be in a state free of condition and judgement? Peace. But how easy is it to achieve?
I truly believe that we need to unlearn some of these conditions and biases to fully let go of judgement to understand how to demonstrate unconditional love for self and others. Love for self is a challenging feat is it not?
One of the most basic concepts is self-love and at each stage of life may look different. How can we fully love others if we do not understand how to love ourselves first? How can we be authentic to ourselves with being able to demonstrate all that has been gifted to us?
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6) Our own understanding is built by what we have been exposed to by our senses, there is so much unseen that is continually working for our good. The mind is magnificent yet debilitating all at the same time. We are asked to come and rest, but the action of rest requires perseverance. Perseverance of spirt, mind, body, and soul to really be grounded in what is – not what has transpired or is yet to come.
When we experience trials, consider it joy. Joy and trials all melded together into one. For it is in the imperfect that we truly see how magical this life truly is. We discover the light that can shine from the greatest difficulty. His works are perfect, and all his ways are just. (Deuteronomy 32:4)
We all have our share of experiences that take our breath away, no experience can be compared to another, they are equal in significance. I too have experienced trials that have rocked my core, taken my breath away, but also offered opportunity to learn and grow:
- I was bullied in all my school years that impacted how I viewed myself in the mirror – felt unloved and unworthy. The girl looking back at me wondered if she was truly beautiful. Years later as I look on that little girl, I would tell her what I know now. Love comes from within.
- I was physically assaulted by a group of men who took away my sense of self and dignity. I felt lost and wondered if I would ever find my way back home again. But there is always hope if we choose to find it. A light at the end of a tunnel shining the way, one step in front of the other to pull through and find myself again.
- I broke my neck and nearly lost my life at a time that was supposed to be so magical for my family and sons. A second chance at life emerged with a new perspective.
- I have suffered from depression throughout my life – many would only see a smile of strength and positivity; this is the unseen. Many don’t know what’s behind the smile.
- I have had losses and have had heartache that many in this world. The loss of my father-in-law suddenly or close family members. One moment here, the next gone. Moments to make one realize how precious this life can be.
But the question is, do these moments define who I am, or do they contribute to good in my life? Are all things made for good?
As I look back, I see the silver lining that has shone through in all these events. There was a rainbow that always followed the rain. Like the moment when I met my soulmate, or the moments my children were born, or the moments where I discovered who was always walking beside me, carrying me, lifting me up if I was falling down. The moments where we discover love in the pain, love for self, love for others and truly what this life is about. Sometimes you don’t see the light until you are part or all the way through. We all have defining moments that shake us to the core and these moments cannot be compared to one another as they are unique to each one of us and have significance in impact. These moments can offer reflection of change or compliancy and staying on a course that is safe. Change comes with vulnerability, acceptance, and an action in some cases of letting go and sometimes taking a leap of faith to moving forward.
I have always admired the butterfly – the metamorphosis that takes shape through struggle. To only emerge as something so very magnificent and beautiful. This can be compared to our flight in this life. Life is but a journey, a journey to self-discovery, self-love, self-compassion, and acceptance of what is – to then to emerge to truly understand how bountiful and full of joy this life was intended to be. I have recognized that life brings beauty in the most painful experiences.
I take comfort in knowing that we have something Greater than ourselves allowing us to experience joys and trials to realize the gifts of this life. Ultimately, I know that this Grand Universe wants me to see myself through the eyes of unconditional love and love myself and live my days with abundance while utilizing the gifts that I have been given. We are so powerful, and our minds can lift us up or tear us down. This life is a journey to love oneself and fully accept who we are – our authentic selves. We each have our own unique gift or blueprint; the key is discovering that it within and sharing it with others. This is where the true power resides in this beautifully messy life.
I am still working on achieving love for myself every day by actions of grace. I begin the day with gratitude to ground what is, and then offering myself a cup of grace when I may slip or fall. Each one of us can only control how we choose to respond; the rest is out of our control and up to God. Our power lies in our response to what is happening in our lives.
Awakening the Soul 