This week I lost it. I came unglued with my children and husband. It was almost like I could feel each stitch of me unravel, feeling unclear, cloudy – lack of judgement. Looking back on my reaction, I am disappointed in myself. Sometimes I just wish I could “keep calm and carry on” all the time. Do you have any suggestions in dealing with these moments? I feel like such a bad mom.
Dearest Amazing Mom Tanya,
First of all, you are not a bad mom. These moments happen to all of us where it feels like the stitches are coming apart, stitch by stitch until we are burst apart. But don’t you think that good comes out of the bad? Sometimes when we see ourselves in this way we learn how to adjust or make better for next time. But the first step is getting to the root of what caused the stitches to come apart.
Let me use an example of chaos in my life to illustrate how each stitch can come undone. It was a week just as the snow began to fall, the changes in temperature were creating havoc in driving from A to B and many children had colds. All of a sudden my little guy got sick, and amidst this I was overscheduled (coaching sports, organizing our calendars, meeting friends/families, running the race). Then my son went to the doctor, got medication but had an adverse reaction, the reaction caused huge sores in his mouth and around his mouth. He couldn’t eat and was crying often throughout the day, on a new medication fever seemed to leave but my state of mind was dwindling….
Chaos, running too fast, time to slow down – red lights flashing in my mind.
This is a signal that something needs to change – do you think that this is God’s way of saying – “Ok kiddo – how many times do I have to tell you – you cannot do it all. You need to slow down and you need me to get through this!”
I swear that is exactly what He was saying. But it gets better…. The week goes on and things get worse, we eat at McDonald’s twice (feeling like the health mom of the year award is heading my way), my eyes are bloodshot, finally my little guy is feeling better – maybe I can get a rest tonight (I am thinking). Then that morning my little guy wanted eggs, they hurt his mouth, then he wanted a smoothly, it hurt, then he wanted a banana, it hurt (and he cried so loud). This little guy ate soup all week that is it and maybe a few bites of a cheeseburger. I could feel the tension rising then out came the unglued moment….
I sat there looking at myself and thought really this is what it has come to now?
Then we head off to school and the car doesn’t start , I boost it, get back in the car and adjust my rear-view mirror and it falls off!
Seriously! I sat there in the garage for a moment and looked at the wall in disbelief. Then I thought well its “up” from here. I then chuckled to myself and the tension disappeared.
But now I know…. I created my reality.
I am learning, I will stumble yes, I may get off track, but there is always a way back.
And the awesome thing is, God loves us and helps usher us back to the place where we are meant to be.
Tanya, don’t you see, you are not alone? We all have these moments. As women – we love, we feel deeply, and we want to help everyone. Often we will do everything for everyone before we help ourselves. We carry the burdens that are not meant for us to carry.
What to do?
• Remember, it is ok to find time in the busy for You. Even ½ – 1 hour a day of something just for you. It could mean going for a coffee by yourself, going for a walk outside, or reading or taking a class. Find the time because it will help you feel full and bring peace into your days.
• One of the things that I need to make a habit every day is starting and ending the day with God. Taking my bible and reading a passage and talking to God to help sort through what I am dealing with. Also, keeping track of one item from every day that worked well!
• It is ok to say “No”, you don’t have to make it to soccer/dance/swimming (or whatever your children are involved in) practice on those days where you feel like you are running on empty.
•Focus on the elements of your life that are working to redirect your thought process.
•Most importantly, the issues that arise in our lives – lift them up to Him and He will help you navigate through them.
•Create these measures in your life so that you can limit those unglued moments.
Remember, the devil is always lurking and I believe he is just waiting for us to slip… He wants us to be sad, mad, and not enjoying our present state of life.
“Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.” Ephesians 4:26-27 (NASB)
It is so important to us to focus on the positive in this life, even if on some days it seems like the positive is only a small percentage of the day!
So focus on what is working beautiful lady! May you be blessed.
Dear Lord God,
Please bless Tanya and all of the women in this world who think they need to be 100% in all areas of their lives. Help us to navigate and make clear around the elements of this life that should be the focus. Divert our thoughts, and bring calm into our lives. Protect our minds from the devils evil whispers. I pray for this in Jesus Name Amen.
Blessings to you beautiful lady,