Broken and Restored

imageFour years ago today, my life changed forever. (Jan 11, 2011)    Yes I have grown stronger, I have realized that life’s simple moments can be changed in a blink of an eye. 

Forever changed.

Fear does creep in now and then when I hear a crack, or when I endure chronic pain that makes me cringe.   A coping mechanism I did not use before fully was prayer.   This is a piece of me that has changed. I pause, and reflect throughout the day when I need strength, and lift it up to Him.  

I find it hard sometimes, as life overwhelms me.  I am overwhelmed with gratitude to be here, and present.   Overwhelmed with His love for me.  

Forever changed. 

Some of you may be reading this and thinking what does she know?  She is a bit over the top?   Or maybe you understand this because you have been through an experience that has taken your breath away?   This is what I know, God is in all we do, all we say, and every step we take.

Every night when I lay my babies to bed, I reflect on what could have been and what is.   They have been through a whole lot in their little lives already, they realize much more than I. They have been through much more than I ever experienced by their age.   Sometimes I feel sad about that, but I realize it has built them to be so compassionate.   

This Christmas, together we wrapped 60 little gifts full of Christmas crackers, sugar-free candy and an ornament for the elderly.    These little men of mine, gave a hug and a smile to people who really needed it.   I sat back and was in awe of who they are, and who they will become.

She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future. (Proverbs 31:25)

I gain strength from my children, I gain strength from extending a hand, and showing love.  I see this in my children, and I couldn’t be more blessed.  I thank God every single day for saving me, and allowing me to experience a deep love for this life and for the ones I share it with. I don’t know if I could laugh quite yet without fear for the future, but I do know one thing that God has my back.   When pain surfaces, He is there to hold my hand. 205806_10150112578786010_545796009_6912721_5012368_n4 years ago, I did not know what was going to happen next; I have not only survived I am living a life that is full. 

Reflecting on 4 years ago, I am amazed at how far he has carried me.

Dancing with the boys before the halo removal to “staying alive”

Removal of the Halo

Getting the collar on:

Reflecting on the past four years, I see how God is teaching me that tomorrow has more than enough worries, how I need to live in the moment and Trust in Him completely.   Sometimes I wish I could hold people’s hands and show them what I have seen.   I know God exists, I know there are modern-day Miracles, I know His love.   I am so thankful for being His modern-day Miracle.  

I still have a displaced c1 Fracture, and am living full, because of His grace. He wants me to live in faith not fear.   So today, as I pause and reflect on the past 4 years, I am broken and restored. When I look in the mirror and glance at the woman looking back at me, I am proud, thankful and humbled. So many emotions, at times I am overwhelmed.

She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future. (Proverbs 31:25)

This is what He wants for me, I will try my best to live in the now, knowing that He has my future in His hands. He has guided me, He has carried me, and I will lean on Him.

Dear Lord God, thank-you for saving me, help me to trust in you completely.   Lord, be my eyes to see what you want me to see, be my ears so I can hear what you want me to hear, be my mouth to speak words of love and kindness, and be my heart to give it to who needs it.    Guide me in all I do, help me to discern what is real and what is not, protect me and my household.  I am not worthy.  Please forgive me for not trusting when I needed to, and for the times I give into the fear.  Help guide my mind, and strengthen my perspective. I pray for this in  Jesus Name Amen


4 thoughts on “Broken and Restored

  1. Just recently I am in the middle of reading this book on Jonah, and the author points out how so often God will cause us to ‘die’ in order to be restored. Reading your post made me think of that – how God brought you through this really difficult time and yet has restored you and is using you in so many ways. Happy New Year

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